4 surprising benefits of interacting with my special needs kid: hint, it makes you smarter

As a mom with a PhD, I love it when research supports my mom instincts. Those instincts tell me that typically developing children and their families benefit from spending time with my special needs child, and science thinks so too. A slew of studies demonstrate the benefits of interacting with people who are different from you, here are four that may surprise you.

It makes you smarter

Research shows that when you interact with people who are different from you, it improves your cognitive skills and critical thinking. How? Through a process called effortful disequilibrium: when our view of the world gets challenged, it grows our cognitive skills and ability to deal with complex issues.

It broadens your social circles and friendships

These interactions rewrite the “us versus them” mentality by reducing prejudice, enhancing empathy and deepening understanding of people with diverse backgrounds and abilities. Because greater awareness leads to openness and tolerance for others, you enjoy more cross-group (i.e., out of your comfort zone) friendships.

It makes you a more flexible, action-oriented and engaged global citizen

Interacting with people who are different from you helps to develop a pluralistic orientation. This means that you are more open to different perspectives, more willing to challenge your own beliefs and to negotiate with others who disagree with you. You are also more likely to discuss and engage with complex social issues, and to consider different approaches to solving problems. It also motivates you to take action to solve problems.

It makes you more successful in the workplace

A study by the RAND Institute suggests that the cognitive and social skills that employers value most include the ability to work effectively in diverse groups, openness to new ideas and perspectives, and empathy with other people’s perspectives. These skills are crucial for 21st century workers, where it’s projected that 85 percent of new workers will be women, immigrants and minorities.

It’s worth the effort

Okay, this is just a mom reason. My son is sweet and funny, and he loves people. He’d benefit from spending time with you too.

 

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Seizures and autism: a numbers game

5:30 in the morning. My husband was walking by our son’s bedroom and heard strange noises. He peeked in, and saw our son having a seizure. It lasted for about a minute, and only involved his upper body. After the seizure stopped, his face and one arm were partially paralyzed for a short time. Our son was conscious during the seizure. He spoke afterward about “shaking” and “feeling sick.” My husband drove him to the ER of our local children’s hospital. I joined him there after getting the girls to school.

What are the Odds?

We learned that people with autism have a 25-30 percent higher incidence of seizures, and that about one-third of them also have epilepsy.

According to the Epilepsy Foundation, a seizure is a sudden surge of electrical activity in the brain, while epilepsy is a disease that involves recurring seizures.

This was our son’s first seizure. Because he was conscious and it only involved his upper body, the doctors described it as a partial seizure. They reassured us that all healthy people get one free seizure pass – but if it happened again, they would want to discuss treatment options and his odds of having another would sharply increase. We scheduled an EEG for the next week, and went home with some basic instructions about how to care for him during a seizure (make sure he’s on his side to avoid choking) and safety tips (don’t leave him alone in the bath).

Diagnostic Tests: EEG and MRI

To prepare for the EEG, our son had to be sleep deprived. Our instructions were to keep him up until midnight, and then wake him up at 5 am. I’m usually in bed by 9 pm, so his dad (who needs a lot less sleep than I do) stayed up with him and woke him up early too.

Yep, wide awake!

Yep, wide awake!

The EEG itself was uneventful although, not the least bit sleepy, my son giggled and wiggled during the whole procedure. His nurse told us that children with autism rarely fall asleep during the test, no matter how sleep deprived. (Maybe it’s time to revisit the protocol for kids with autism?). The results showed a focal abnormality in part of his brain, on the same side as the seizure. Next step, we scheduled an MRI to see if there was an underlying structural issue such as a tumor.

Before the MRI, our son had another early morning seizure, same time and same characteristics. Now his odds of having another seizure jumped up to about 60-70 percent. We immediately started him on an anti-seizure medication, to which he responded well.

His MRI results were normal, and his doctor advised keeping him on an anti-epileptic medication for 18 months to two years. The longer he goes without having a seizure, even while on medication, the more chance he has to outgrow the condition. So far, we are seizure free.

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Princess Boy: Two strategies for turning Barbie into C3PO

Sandwiched between two sisters, it’s easy to see where our special needs son gets his love for all things sparkly, pink and royal. At first, we decided not to make an issue of it, and our princess boy happily pranced around in mermaid dress-up clothes and asked for dolls at every gift-giving opportunity. While typically developing kids may have a deep interest in a toy, topic or play theme for about six months, our son lived in a magical kingdom for a solid three years.

DSC_0191Really Dude, Barbies?

As he grew older, we realized that we needed to manage his obsession with pink-hued play options. For one thing, his peers were starting to notice. “Really dude, Barbies?” asked one younger boy, when our son was discussing his interest in dolls.

Social interactions will always be a big challenge for our son, and we didn’t want his interests to contribute to the problem.

Expanding and Redirecting

To help find a balance, we used two strategies: redirecting and expanding. Most parents know the strategy of redirecting, and it works great with typical children: you redirect a child’s attention to something else by offering another option. Here’s an example: your youngest child is throwing a fit because her older siblings are excluding her from a game. You redirect by a) offering to read her a book, b) finding a game that all three can play, or c) banishing all three outside to play while you pour yourself a glass of wine.

Redirecting isn’t sufficient for kids with autism because of their tendency to focus with laser-like intensity on ideas and objects, also known as perseverating. But fortunately there’s another strategy you can use in tandem with redirecting, which builds on the child’s interests and develops them in different directions, it’s called expanding.

We started working with an in-home Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) therapist and our son’s teacher to expand his interests.  For instance, we expanded his princess theme by getting a castle that any boy would love – dark, scary and complete with dragons, a moat with flames and a prince. His in-home therapist also encouraged him to play the part of the prince in games.  At first, he wasn’t having it: “I’m not a prince, I’m a princess,” he declared, but his (male) therapist kept talking about how great princes and boys are, and one day my son decided he was a boy after all. At school, we shifted his rewards from princess stickers to iPad activities.DSC_0203

We also encouraged his interest in any character or toy that was more gender neutral, or boy-focused. He doesn’t have an interest in sports teams or athletes, but he likes baseball hats, a small victory. Recently he discovered Star Wars and Chima Legos, and happily dressed as C3PO at Halloween. We also bought him clothes and toys featuring gender-neutral characters from popular movies, like the Minions. If that sounds too pricey, printing a picture of the character or toy for him to carry around was often enough.

Finding a Balance

While he still gravitates toward his sisters’ interests, and enjoys activities and toys that are more girl-oriented than boy, our son now has enough gender-appropriate interests to engage peers in play and conversation.

 

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